I now fully embrace my calling and consider it such an honor that the Lord would allow me to serve as a beacon of hope for His precious daughters. I have realized - and it has been amazingly humbling - that it is an incredible privilege to be trusted with another's pain and shame. Here I am, working for God as a hope builder and confidence infuser. It is, by far, one of the greatest honors of my life.
Because of this beautiful call upon my life, I often feel the anguish of other women, literally. It's hard to explain, so I won't even really try, but it's just like my heart carries women's burdens. So when I woke up this morning and one of the first things on my mind was thoughts of a woman in despair because she feels broken beyond repair, I knew it was for the woman God has assigned to His purpose for my life. Before my feet ever hit the floor, I envisioned this woman sitting on the floor with her back against the wall. Her legs were pulled tightly up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them, and her face buried between her knees. I saw her crying, sobbing actually, and picking up pieces of something that had been broken, hopelessly trying to figure out how to put it together. Growing frustrated and giving up hope, she grabbed some pieces off the floor and violently threw them against a facing wall, and she fell onto the floor in the fetal position and cried uncontrollably.
My initial reaction was, Lord, can I at least wash my face first? It's too early for this deep stuff!
The whole while I cooked my children's breakfast and transported them to school, while I drove back home and went about my usual morning duties, all I could see was this woman. I couldn't get her out of my mind. I don't know who she is specifically, but God certainly does. And I'm willing to bet that she is reading this right now.
Hi, sis. You're not here on this blog post by happenstance. God sees you and He showed you to me early this morning. He gave me a message specifically for you, so here it is:
Those piece I saw you picking up and trying to put back together are the pieces of your life, left behind by heartbreak, disappointment, bad experiences, loss, betrayal, rejection, rape, and many other things that have ripped you to shreds. You're broken, and you're frustrated because every time you attempt to even try to figure out how to put the pieces of you back together, it seems completely impossible. And when you manage to find some pieces that you can glue back together, something happens and it's broken all over again. You want so badly to be whole, but your heart, and your mind, and your spirit are so shattered that you're not even sure if all of the pieces of who you are can be found. Your tears are those of exhaustion, exhaustion of trying but getting nowhere. And you're angry. You're angry because this is not the life you envisioned for yourself and many of the things that broke you should have never happened to you. You feel like if God loves you so much, then why is it so hard for you to gather your pieces, put them back together, and get on with your life. At this point, you give up. You feel utterly hopeless and destroyed.
God sees you and I feel you.
Yes, you are broken; you are immensely broken. You are so broken that you are unrecognizable to yourself. You can't even figure out who you are anymore. But, sis, you are not destroyed. And there is a big difference between broken and destroyed.
Broken: having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order; separate or cause to separate into pieces as a result of a blow, shock, or strain.
Destroyed: put an end to the existence of (something); ruin (someone) emotionally or spiritually; defeat (someone) utterly.
When I see an "Out of Order" sign on a machine or piece of equipment, I never think, This thing will never work again. I know that after a bit of maintenance, it will again operate just fine. It's broken, but it's not destroyed. If it were destroyed, it would be thrown out and demolished, with no sign of its existence left. But because it's just broken, all the manufacturer has to do is go inside the machine, make some repairs, and it's back to doing whatever it was designed to do.
Brokenness separates pieces from its original state, but what is separated can be put back together.
Sis, you can be put back together.
The problem you're having is that you've been trying to fix your brokenness on your own, but only the manufacturer of a thing truly knows every single detail about it well enough to know what is necessary to fix it properly. So, those pieces that you can't seem to mend, give them to God. Only He can fix what is broken in you, because He knows exactly where every piece belongs.
Yes, you're broken, but you are repairable. And the wonderful thing about God's Fix-It Plan is that he's not like the neighborhood repairman who will just patch it up so it'll work for the meantime. No, His repair plan is a guarantee. It's a guarantee that He will fix you up so well that you'll come out brand new. And anytime you find yourself broken, you can take your pieces to Him and He'll do the same guaranteed work all over again.
You don't have to be frustrated anymore. You can dry your tears. Abba Father says, "Daughter, bring me those pieces. I know exactly what to do with them."
"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; " (2 Corinthians 4:8-9 ESV)